“To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This”
In 1977, more than 20 years ago,
the psychologist Arthur Aron succeeded in making two strangers fall in love in his laboratory.
the procedure is fairly simple:
two strangers take turns asking each other 36 increasingly personal questions
and then they stare into each other's eyes without speaking for four minutes.
Mandy Len Catron published this article about her own experience in NY Times which received over 8 million views.
She also gave a speech in Ted. There are some quotes I'm impressed
“It assumes that love is an action.”
"The moment you admit to loving someone,
you admit to having a lot to lose."
"I think this is the thing that most of us really want from love:
to be known, to be seen, to be understood."
"But falling in love is not the same thing as staying in love.
Falling in love is the easy part."
We seems like falling in love with the process of flirting, dating, chasing
which make you excited and passionated about indeed.
(interested in somebody; feel somebody is fun and sexy; he/she is different from me)
It’s like a food expiration date.
Later, we will meet the reality that lead to us getting bored with our relationship.
(daily routines: decide where to eat, where to go; the pressure from school or work, the distinction of values)
We're programmed by books, movies, music and media
that love is supposed to feel a certain way all of the time.
(Rather romantic and sweet, or desperate and lost)
(Rather romantic and sweet, or desperate and lost)
But that is a dangerous myth and slow and boring is completely okay.
Just like what Mandy mentioned, rather than asking her is they still get together:
It’s important start at having a more thoughtful conversation about what it means to love someone, questions like:
How do you decide who deserve you love and who does not?
How do you stay in love when things get difficult?
How do you live with the doubt that inevitably creeps into every relationship?
However, what I interested the most is that what’s the 36 questions lol
you could talk a look at it, there’s a link below :D
Find a stranger in a bar, or someone you value worth to spend time with, family, couples, friends or somebody you’re dating with. (It probably take about 45 mins)
Perhaps, it will bring you closer together.
Reference:
1. TED TALK – Mandy Len Catron: Falling in love is the easy part
2. To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This
3. 36 questions on the way to love
" 若想要和任何人談戀愛，做這就對了 "
1977年，心理學家Arthur Aron設計一個實驗，試圖在實驗室中創造浪漫的愛情
過程十分簡單：兩個陌生人互相問對方36個越來越個人的問題
最後，兩人必須凝視著對方的眼睛四分鐘
Mandy Len Catron將她個人的經驗寫成一篇文章發表在紐約時報，
不僅文章總瀏覽數達到800萬，更翻譯成各國報導
在Ted的演講中，有許多句子是我非常深刻的
「當你承諾了愛上了某一個人，
你也必須承諾你將失去許多」
「我想大多數的我們想從愛情裡得到的不過是
被傾聽、被注目、被瞭解」
「但是，墜入情網和談戀愛是兩碼子的事
墜入情網只是最簡單的部分」
的確，我們似乎容易沈溺於曖昧、戀愛、刺激、激情的階段
（覺得這人很有趣、產生興趣去了解、發覺他/她跟我很不一樣）
似乎就像食物的賞味期限，接著我們會遇到許多現實，而消磨我們的新鮮感
（規律平凡的例行公事、上課上班的壓力、彼此的習慣、觀念不同）
這時才是考驗的開始，我們被太多的偶像劇、電影、音樂、小說所影響
我們所認為的愛情是美好、甜蜜、快樂的；失戀是痛苦、難過、心碎的
我們所認為的愛情是美好、甜蜜、快樂的；失戀是痛苦、難過、心碎的
但如何維繫感情，許多報章雜誌並沒有特別強調，或是我們選擇性的忽略
其實習慣和平凡是很稀鬆平常的一件事
就像Mandy提到很有趣的一點
每當他結束一個演講，都會被問到一個問題
『你現在還跟那個人在一起嗎？』
每當他結束一個演講，都會被問到一個問題
『你現在還跟那個人在一起嗎？』
Mandy希望大家再更深入的思考，問更深刻的問題如：
How do you decide who deserve you love and who does not?
How do you decide who deserve you love and who does not?
How do you stay in love when things get difficult?
不論如何，
到底那36個問題是啥
大家有興趣可以去以下的連結看看
找一個陌生人，或是你覺得值得探索的人，不論是你的家人、伴侶、朋友、或是曖昧的對象
大家有興趣可以去以下的連結看看
找一個陌生人，或是你覺得值得探索的人，不論是你的家人、伴侶、朋友、或是曖昧的對象
也許你會因此認識不同的他
*參考資料:
1. TED 演講 – Mandy Len Catron: 墜入情網是如此簡單
2. NY Times – 若想要和任何人談戀愛，做這就對了
3. 36個問題讓你前往愛情的路途
Yo
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